I'm Back for More Cash [antikvár]

Disney on Fear recently got back from a family vacation at Disney World. Family vacations are great. I got to spend quality time vi^ith two teenage children, who love and respect me. (I rented them. My own kids wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near me. At the Animal Kingdom I overheard them plotting to push me out of the halftrack in the hopes I would be trampled by a gnu.) Obviously, I have decided to write about my vacation at Disney "World—at great personal risk, since the radio show I do on ESPN is part of the Disney empire. So in a way I am biting the hand that feeds me. And in the case of the "character breakfasts" at Disney World— where people dressed up as lovable Disney characters, like Chip and Dale, come up to your table and paw you incessantly while you eat—I considered literally doing that. In fact, at one breakfast when Goofy began sucking on my head as I was eating my scrambled eggs, I flirted with the idea of whipping out a Zippo and setting him on fire. How many years on a psychiatrist's couch do you think the average five-year-old would have needed after seeing a Goofy flambé? (Hey, I'm joking. I wouldn't actually set Goofy on fire. The Little Mermaid, maybe.) I've got nothing against Disney characters, but what explains their powerful attraction for me? Do I look like such a dork that I'd want to have a photo taken with a grown adult wearing a Styro-foam chipmunk head? Plus, the breakfast is crawling with kids, whose idea of a buffet is to grab anything with sugar and glaze on top—and drown it in syrup. These kids are stickier than Monica Lewinsky's closet. And then they run to Chip and Dale, and rub