Knights of the Cross [antikvár]

Saturday To have a woman. The phrase has a manly ring to it. •! imagine it being used by a soldier on leave from the front during World War I, or a French existentialist in St Germain-des-Pres in the 1950s. Imminent death or philosophical alienation detaches the act from the person. If all goes as I anticipate this evening, I shall have a woman - the first in more than a year. Sunday A mistake. As soon as I kissed her, I realised that she was not just a woman. She was Denise Trafford of the French team at the BBC Monitoring Service. I think she also had misgivings but we went through with it. Will it be awkward at Caversham tomorrow? We shall see. Monday It was. Polite acknowledgement of our new intimacy but also an unspoken understanding that it would not happen again. Why do I not leam from past mistakes? Illusion, disillusion. The monotonous movements of the two-stroke engine that carries us through life. I thought I wanted a woman, then realised that no woman is just a woman, she is also a person. Was I dismayed that she was