Sky & Telescope December 1991 [antikvár]

FOCAL POINTAn Eclipse Chaser's BestiarySo YOU'RE planning to join a tour to the ends of the Earth to greet the Moon's shadow with craned neck, expensive equipment, and banshee wail. You're smart (otherwise you wouldn't know that the experience is well worth a third mortgage or sacrificing your children's college education) and have studied up on all the details. But have you considered the possibility of encountering a panoply of mysterious creatures lurking in the Moon's shadow?Yes, totality is your chance to meet bizarre species few have ever heard of, much less encountered face to face. To miss a glimpse of these extraordinary creatures would be a real loss. Here is a partial catalogue of those sighted during recent field work in San Jose del Cabo, Mexico.Fog-bound twits are perhaps the most abundant species. Friendly and outgoing, they teem in great shoals of mumbling incomprehensibility. Although they are a welcome respite from other less agreeable species, fog-bound twits fail to perceive the reactions of those around them to their behavior; they emit a continual droning that some may find annoying.If this were all they did, fog-bound twits would simply be an interesting diversion. But they also congregate around expensive equipment like moths around a porch light. Invariably clumsy, they will lurch and stumble with their legs entangled in your tripod.The best way to prevent any unpleasant surprises with these docile creatures is to deter their close approach by grasping them by the shoulders and gently leading them away.Half-potted party animals are usually found buzzing within the hotel lounge or similar watering hole. They offer welcome camaraderie to those who have tired of canned presentations and other stilted formalities of an organized trip.But beware: never accept offers of exotic local intoxicants from half-potted party animals, and avoid taking trips to local discos and similar deadfalls with them. They are famous for starting fights (on your behalO with huge local inhabitants, then retiring to some dark corner while you attempt to extricate yourself from the situation.Otherwise they are quite harmless and fun to be around. However, caution isadvised for all activities that include half-potted party animals during post-totality celebrations.Whining drongos can be found alone or in family groups in all manner of location. Their chief identifying feature is a persistent whiny tone of voice coupled with an endless stream of complaints about everything from weather to the toilet paper in their hotel rooms.Apparently they all come from large cities where everything is bigger and better and can't understand why it's not the very same way in . . . oh, Borneo for instance.Having to listen to a family of five or so whining drongos sitting in the row behind you on a six-hour airplane ride is a fearsome experience. They will go on for hours talking nonsense; wedding arrangements for unpleasant members of their family group are a favorite topic. They don't belong on trips to the wilds of some continent with a name they can't even spell, but they show up regularly anyway. It is believed that they represent that mysterious lowest common denominator at which television sitcoms are aimed.Whining drongos present no serious threat with the exception of life in prison for those unfortunates found guilty of murdering one in the adjacent row on a particularly harrowing intercontinental flight.Cold-blooded expert mutes are common creatures. As their name implies, coldblooded expert mutes make very little sound. They seem to possess a very limited quantity of words, which are almostalways used up in the lectures they grudgingly provide to the group in exchange for their free ride to the eclipse.Attempts to engage these often sullen beasts in extraneous conversation will often produce a cold stare and perhaps a monosyllabic grunt from them. It takes a concerted effort to break through their defense perimeter and establish a rapport with them. Specialists in the study of exotic biota suspect that cold-blooded expert mutes have been hounded by pushy, importunate people for so long that they tend to shut out all uninvited contact.Although they do provide good sport for the more adventurous members of the group, the best way to handle them is simply to leave them alone.Double-gutted megaphone mouths accompany every eclipse, but, thankfully, there is never more than one at any given location. The grating voices of double-gutted megaphone mouths can be heard at the far end of the hotel compound from where they may be found ensconced by the pool bar. They talk and laugh endlessly at a volume level that could overwhelm a rock concert.Very gregarious beasts, double-gutted megaphone mouths are always at the center of a group of embarrassing people telling crude jokes and drinking too much. Many times they can be found in close proximity to throngs of half-potted party animals.Generally they do not become a major problem until someone foolish enough to show displeasure at their coarse behavior comes along. If this happens, they will engage in a protracted series of provocations intended to give that person an ulcer.If you are fortunate, there will be a cold-blooded expert mute nearby to distract the double-gutted megaphone mouth. If you are not so lucky, the beast will surely cause you great pain and suffering.Unless you buy it a beer.I prefer Budweiser myself, but will accept almost anything as long as it is ice cold.JAMES MacLARENMacLaren wi7s last sighted on July II, 1991. in San Jose del Cabo, where he was telling crude jokes and drinking too much.Focal Point invites contributions from readers who wish to comment on contemporary issues in astronomy and space science.578 Sky & Telescope, December. 1991