The Long Road Home [antikvár]

SOMETHING IS THE MATTER WITH PETER. I Can't reachthrough to him any more. His eyes avoid me. He isrestless, tense . . . with a tension that is more than hisusual boundless nervous energy that overflows into in-volvement with all the causes that mean so much tohim the primary school where he is headmaster, theeducation authority, the summer holiday mission he runseach year at Nefyn on the north-west tip of Wales, the localchurch, our multi-racial community.He has lost half a stone in weight and two inches roundthe waist but he won't go to the doctor's, or if he does hecomes back with a bottle of white indigestion mixture anda roll of tablets.He spends hours on the telephone, or talking to otherpeople, but if I want to talk about family matters he says heis tired, or has enough worries. I am beginning to wonderif I am superfluous to requirements, except for suchpractical trivia as clean shirts and socks, and the best wayof relieving tense nervous energy.If I try to pursue the matter, get through to the root ofhis preoccupation he pushes me away: I don't think herealizes it but sometimes his hands actually lift in a pushingmovement, palms towards me, at arms length.'Go away,' they say. 'Don't come near me. This is myspace. I don't want you invading it.'I retreat, hurt, to lick my wounds.I spend hours worrying, analyzing, asking myself whereI have gone wrong. Am I too demanding, too possessive?Have I been too wrapped up in the children and my work?Am I neurotic, as he implies? Yes. There has to be anelement of truth in all those accusations. I can be no easiera person to live with than he is. We are both only children,both used to having things our own way, and bothimperfect. It has made for an interesting eighteen years ofmarriage.Now, for the first time ever, I begin to wonder what thenext eighteen will hold. If there will be another eighteen,even. Is this just a temporary setback the kind of hiccupthat disturbs all close relationships, sporadically? Or is itsome fundamental flaw at the root of the relationship